The majority of the schools defined bullying in the
following matter: Bullying includes a wide variety of behaviors, but all
involve a person or a group repeatedly trying to harm someone
who is weaker or more vulnerable. It can be physical, verbal, sexual, or
psychological. It can involve direct attacks (hitting, threatening or
intimidating, malicious teasing or taunting, name-calling, making sexual
remarks, stealing or damaging property) or more subtle, indirect attacks
(spreading rumors or encouraging others to reject or exclude someone).
Teasing is defined as to make fun of, irritate, or attempt
to provoke (a person or animal) in a playful way with persistent petty
distractions, trifling raillery, or other annoyance, often in sport.
Most of my research on the school districts also stated that
teasing becomes bullying when it is repetitive or when there is a conscious
intent to hurt another child. It can be verbal bullying (making threats,
name-calling), psychological bullying (excluding children, spreading rumors),
or physical bullying (hitting, pushing, taking a child's possessions).
The scene setting is a middle school cafeteria. A really anxious child went to sit at their
lunch table, but all the seats were taken and it was really loud, so the child
went to a different table. The different
table happened to have children who were a year older. The anxious child sat at the table and
started covering their ears while munching on Cheerios for comfort.
The older children started making fun saying, “Put your
hands down! Quit covering your ears! Why do you eat Cheerios all the time? Why do you talk like that?” all the while
laughing as they continued to make fun.
An adult noticed this interaction and went over asking the
children to stop.
The child who was being made fun off told the older
children, “I am zipping my lips and not talking to you”.
The older children shouted back, “Well then how are you
going to eat your Cheerios” as they giggled and continued to make fun of him. The children obviously didn't listen to the
adult. The child who was being made fun
continued as though nothing was going on, eating his Cheerios and holding his
hands over his ears.
The adult asked them to stop again and then reported this to
the school principle and their boss. The
boss said, “You can’t change the world and these kids aren't bullying that
child yet”.
The adult started crying, taken off guard to this response;
it was personal to this adult because they have a relative who has special
needs similar to the child who was being made fun of. It appears to this boss that bullying is only
when physical abuse is occurring. The
adult and I chatted back and forth over this for a while. The adult was distraught and felt the child
who was being made fun of didn't even realize that was going on which made
their heart sink further.
I thanked the adult on behalf of other special needs parents
for speaking up, reporting the incident, and for being a hero, at least in my
eyes. The adult is most likely right in
feeling that child didn't understand what was going on around them. The adult was so upset worried that the
parents of this child will never know what happened. My son is non-verbal; he can’t tell me what
happens at school. Even though he is
only 3 and in pre-school I ask him every day, “How was school today, buddy? Did
you learn and play with your friends? Did you see Aidan today?” He always smiles at me and answers, “Yah”
with a giggle. Aidan is his classmate
and is one of his friends…so I know he will respond to that. My hope is when he is older he will
understand what I am asking him and will be able to answer.
I feel there is a huge misconception on what bullying is, in
the incident above the boss told the witness that it wasn't bullying because
there wasn't anything physical. Maybe I
am wrong and don't understand what bullying is, but I strongly feel this child was bullied, but others might argue that
the child was just teased. Personally I think this staff at this school should
go through a bullying training to better understand that bullying is not just
physical. I would even attend a bully
training to better understand it myself.
I also read in my research that it depends how the child (victim)
reports the incident, but what if the child doesn't know how to report the incident
or they aren’t capable of reporting the incident? Other kids who witness bullying
events can report them and that is awesome, but what if they don’t understand
what bullying is either? I saw a lot of
great articles were schools as early as elementary age participate in bully
training, but it shouldn't just fall on the schools to teach the children, parents
need to step up to. I know, I am
preaching to the choir here.. I know so
many parents who read this will either be extremely upset like I was and some
that just think kids can be so cruel and just blow it off as it were nothing. What do you think…was this child being teased
or being bullied?
Growing up I was verbally and physically bullied. During elementary age while walking to the
bus stop a neighbor a few doors down would push and shove me, threaten to kill
me if I told my mom, and on one occasion slapped me across the face. My mom saw that happen and had a very long
talk with her. After that the abuse
stopped and that girl never spoke to me again.
During middle school age I was teased for being a tom boy and not
wearing makeup. A group of girls would
ask me if I knew what a dyke was and the follow up with the question asking me
if I was one. This happened for days
until another student stood up and told the girls to stop, from that day
forward those girls never asked me again.
The verbal abuse did not bother or scar me, maybe because of the
experience I had at a younger age, or the way my mom thought me that sometimes
it better to turn the other cheek and stick and stones. I always felt you can make fun of me all you
want, but you can’t make fun of my friends or my family. The only fist fight I had growing up was with
a boy who made fun of my brother and my childhood best friend. The fight was quick, the boy hit me in the
face and I fell to the ground. When I
stood back up, the boy took off running.
My friends said it was because I had a look of rage like I was going to
rip his head off and I was screaming like a demon, perhaps I levitated off the
ground because the group of boys looked really scared. All I remember is being so mad that tears
were streaming down my face. That boy
never teased my brother or friend again, so that was all that mattered to me.
To all those people who stand up to bullies, thank you so
much for being so courageous… please
don’t stop standing up for others because it makes a difference.
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