Wednesday, September 26, 2012

A few days away


(Note: I typed this up two weeks ago, so I am late in getting it posted.  My next blog post you will understand why.)

So when I last wrote I was mad at myself for not taking time to write and give myself the relief I need.  My blog is not only funny stories of my families’ day-to-day life, or informational for those who want to learn about Fragile X syndrome, but it is a huge stress release for me.  It is a lot like a journal where I can be myself and not care if anyone is judging me.  Hell…does anyone even read this?   LOL!

Any hew… when I last wrote I mentioned we were back on the path of finding a new house to call home.  I am so glad we walked away from the money pit house because not only did we save ourselves from falling into major debt perhaps keeping the money pit from sinking, but it gave us the opportunity to find something even better.   You know…a house that didn’t need major updates in every room, a house that has hardwood floors, a house with a yard that doesn’t slope, a house that doesn’t have rodents living in the attic, a house that really doesn’t need much done but maybe a few coats of paint.   We could see it in our minds…even amidst thinking we had already stumbled across it and finding so many disappointing problems. And then there she was...a bigger, gorgeous, two story home.  Not only did we fall in love with it, but we put an offer on it, got a contract, and close on it at the end of the week.  There are some rooms that need to be painted, we needed a few appliances, some carpet needs to be replaced, oh…and it needs a fence, but it is our dream house.  It has everything we wanted and more.  Sara gets her main floor laundry and walk in closet (which is almost as big as current bedroom).  Jackson gets a new bedroom and even his own therapy/play area.  I get a huge deck and a man cave.  It is perfect and I can hardly wait for Friday to get here.  The last few weeks have been busy with packing, selecting paint colors, and flooring.  The next few weeks will be more packing, cleaning the new house, and painting walls.  The basement is finished in wall to wall 1975 grayish wood paneling.  I promise to post before and after pictures of it all.

New house aside… Jackson has been on two different medicines since the conference.  The divided dose of Clonidine didn’t seem to be working well, when it wore off Jackson was bouncing off the walls.  EBK suggested trying Tenex again, which I was really leery because the last time it did not go too well.  Similar result on take 2, Jackson was not himself at all and the head banging got really bad.  School was seeing an increase in hair pulling and we were seeing that at home too.  Jackson also smashed one of those long dorm wall mirrors with his head at school.  Luckily it did not cut him or hurt any of the other kids; none of the pieces of mirror fell to the ground they stayed attached to the cardboard backing.  So for the last two weeks he has been on a Clonidine patch.  I don’t know if it is too early to tell, but Jackson is definitely himself.  Laughing at farts and wanting to eat all the time.  The head banging isn’t completely gone, but not a frequent problem and is used in an “I am not getting my way” function.  The hair pulling… again something that Is not completely gone, but is being used when trying to get out of something.  

Medicine aside, Jackson is doing really well in speech.  Every day he is making more sounds.  Like most typical 1 and half year olds he reverts to pointing and grunting, when in doubt reverts to finger gagging, but he is working really hard with using his words.  Jackson’s speech therapist is trying hard to help us get a grant proloqo2go for our iPad.  We are hoping to get a grant for it because it is really expensive.  If Jackson points and grunts, you can ask him to use his words and he tries really hard to say it and sign at the same time.  I call that major progress.

Since I brought up the iPad…Jackson’s favorite thing to do on the iPad is watching YouTube videos of people mowing their yards or vacuuming their houses.  I have actually learned a lot about cutting the grass and what our next vacuum purchase should be.   It is also very scary that people let their 2 and 3 years olds cut grass with a lawn mower.  WTF people?  Then there are the three videos of songs Sara and I are getting to know by heart which are “We are young” by fun. (the actual video by the group), “Big Green Tractor” by Jason Aldean (a video of a little boy driving around a JohnDeer), and my personal favorite “Call me maybe” by Carly Rae Jespen (a video dubbed by Missy Franklin and the USA Olympic swim team).  I always had said if my kid loves the big purple dinosaur I will shoot myself, so I will settle for these pop songs for now.  LOL!

Monday, August 6, 2012

Hello blog, remember me…


I want to write on my blog as much as possible, believe me I do.  I wish I could find the time, but it is so difficult. I don’t know how the blogs I follow do it, some of which have more than one child with Fragile X.  These moms are truly amazing and I feel like I truly know them and their families, even though we have never met. I want to thank all the friends and family who follow and read my blog; I didn't realize how many people enjoy our family stories.

So much as happened since I last wrote I don’t even know where to start.  We had the 6th annual Fragile, Not Broken Walk for Knowledge in June.  Even though the walk fell on the same weekend as the Komen Race for a Cure, there was still a big turnout.  So many of our friends and family came out with us and walked in support of Jackson.  I feel like I can’t thank those who participated and donated enough, it means so much to me.  I feel bad that I haven’t had a chance to individually thank everyone.  Jackson was all smiles all day, helps that his nephews were there.  I hope that our team grows every year.
Team Jackson 2012
Sara and I have been trying to find a house since April in the Parkway West district.  We found a house that we loved spite the fact it needed a lot of updates and got an accepted contract, but after the inspection revealed a multitude of problems we had to walk away.  Honestly I am not sure which was the last straw as the list grew, maybe it was the massive leaking basement wall after a slight rainfall or the mice family in the attic, but our inspector found 42 items that needed to be repaired.  Some of those items included more than one item, like the leaking faucets in all 3 bathrooms.  The good news is we didn’t buy the money pit; the bad news is we really wanted the house.  Two weeks…  We had called Parkway West when had our initial accepted contract to get the balling rolling before we even moved.  I think the icing on the cake of heartbreak for the horrible inspection was the call we got from Parkway West about adding services to Jackson’s current IEP.   They were really shocked at the limited services he was receiving at Northwest, they were specifically floored that Jackson was not receiving any speech at all.  Sara told them we were paying privately, to which Parkway responded that we shouldn’t have to pay privately, the school should be providing that.  Even though the house fell through it only reassured us that making the move is in Jackson’s best interest.  So the day we walked away from the contract on the money pit house, we started looking again.  It is so exhausting going from work to looking at multiple houses in one night.  We are fortunate to be able to drop Jackson off at Sara’s moms on the way and pick him up after.  Now if we can just find a house we both like again…we will be set. 

Catching a wave
Having fun in the ocean
House hunting set aside we traveled as a family to Miami for the International Fragile X Conference.  It was our first conference since Jackson’s diagnosis.  We also tried to get a little bit of family vacation while we were there by visiting a beach.  The hardest part of the trip for all of us was the plane ride there and back.  Jackson doesn’t sit still for a long period of time ever, so to have to sit still for 3 hour flights just forget about it.  We tried medicine on the way there, then upping the dosage on the way back.  We had his favorite snacks and activities, but nothing seemed to calm him.  We had a lot of hair pulling, a lot of kicking the seat in front, and a lot slamming into the back of his seat.  Aside from that, the trip was great.   I was warned about Miami’s humid weather, but coming from St. Louis with 104 temps at 90% humidity I didn’t even notice.  We stayed at the hotel where the conference was held, it was walking distance from a mall with a ton of eateries.  We got some great pictures at the Hard Rock Cafe, ate at Bubba Gump Shrimp, and the hotel food itself was amazing.  Jackson was a flirt everywhere we went and his favorite spot was the hotel pool.
Ham'n it for the camera


The conference itself was amazing. They offered childcare which was great because there were so many sessions to attend.  Sara and I divided and conquered, trying to go to as many sessions as we could.  It is overwhelming the amount of information they pack into these sessions.  I went to a clinical session where I was so lost from start to finish.  Sara and I both attended Hand-On Hyperarousal Workshop that was led by Mouse and Tracy.  It was by far my favorite session because we got to experience how it feels to be hyperaroused and we can teach others what it feels like by making them participate in this small little exercise.  I thought I knew how hard it is for my little man to function in this world, but I was completely blown away and to be honest had no real clue.  The common word used in the majority of the sessions I attended was “Hyperarousal”.  Even though the information at times felt overwhelming, it was also good to be reassured that we are on the right path in helping Jackson succeed.  Since Jackson is still young we did miss the big luncheon and dinner banquet which would have given us more opportunity to talk to other families, but I am glad we chose to have some family time too.  Sara did get to go to the Mission to Lars viewing while I put Jackson to bed, I was a little bummed that I didn’t get to see that.  We were able to meet up with Sara’s grandpa and grandma for lunch.  The visit seemed too short, but they were able to see Jackson.  Sara’s grandma brought Jackson a little goodie bag with yummy treats, cute sunglasses, and bubbles.  Jackson literally bounced the entire time they visited.  I can’t remember if Jackson was walking yet the last time they were able to see him. 

Since we have been home from Miami we have been busy house hunting.  Saturday we had a showing of our house and went to the Fragile X BBQ at the Howards.  They are so nice to open their home to everyone and the food spread is always amazing.  Even though Jackson takes up the bulk of our time at events, we find time to take turns and mingle with the other parents.  It is nice to be around friends who are or have been in shoes similar to ours.  Plus there is a pool and Jackson loves pool time.  Jackson pulled on one of the little girls’ hair in the pool and she handled it so well.  I also have a BBF every time I see her.  She loves to ask many questions and has such a great imagination, I really enjoy our talks.  She even lost a tooth which was super exciting; I hope the tooth fairy visited her.   We wish could have stayed longer and visited more, but we didn’t want to push Jackson too far.  I think he may have had too much pool water because on the way home he made himself sick.  Jackson was getting so much better at not sticking his fingers down this throat, but this time we couldn’t distract him away from it at all.  Sara believes he had an upset stomach.  When we got home I pulled the hose around to clean him and his car seat off, he of course loved it.  Then I took him upstairs for a bath while Sara finished cleaning the car seat.  After his bath, we switched and I finished cleaning out the car.  Did I mention that after he got sick he starting clapping and smearing his stomach contents on the window?  I think most parents would be screaming at the top of their lungs over this, but all I could do is laugh at this point.  I will admit I was not laughing when he was making himself sick on the way home, mostly because it makes me want to get sick.   The finger thing has always got to me.  I sure do miss Billy Mays, but Oxi-clean is by far a life saver for times like this.   Next year we will be living much closer to everyone so we will be able to stay longer and the drive home won’t be as far, less time for incidents like this. 

Yesterday we stayed home.  There were a few open houses we thought about seeing, but I didn’t feel like leaving the house for anything.  We took advantage of the no tax weekend and bought a new MAC because ours is on its last leg.   Sara also bought a wireless printer so I got to play tech geek in the afternoon getting it all setup.   We took a much needed family nap and after dinner went for snow cones.  I should feel rested today, but I am not quite there yet.  I think once we are moved into our new home I will be able to get caught up.  Come on new home.. Wherefore art though…  

Monday, July 9, 2012

Seizure scene take 3


So we are in the process of starting Jackson on a new medicine to help with many things. The main focus or areas we are mostly concerned with the aggressive behaviors like pulling hair and head banging which we understand are brought on by Jackson’s anxiety and/or hyper-arousal.  We also want to address the ADHD hyperness that might prevent him from focusing or learning at school.  While we were in Chicago visiting Jackson’s Fragile X doctor we discussed all these things with her along with having her manage his seizures since she gives us a better response all the way from Chicago than the doctors here in the STL.  Jackson and Sara are both on summer break from school, so a perfect time to try this new medicine, Clonidine.   Yes, if you have a crazy memory like I do, we tried Jackson on Clonidine over a year ago to address his sleep issues and we saw an increase in head banging, sleep was a struggle, and he was a zombie throughout the morning.  Jackson can now swallow pills and this Clonidine is an extended release.   The doctor also thought it would be a good candidate because Jackson is now older and bigger, so his system my react differently this time around. 

So far the results haven’t been exactly what we were hoping for.  Jackson takes the medicine in the morning. About 2 hours after he is ready for a nap, sometimes just a quick power nap and sometimes for an hour or so.  After the nap he is a zombie till his normal nap time around 1 and then he sleeps for 2 hours.  After regular nap time he is back to being a zombie again until after dinner to which he returns to his normal bubbly giggly stinker self.   We emailed Dr. Berry-Kravis to see how long we need to try this, she says a week. The good results are he is more calm and focused during speech and OT.

Since Jackson is getting a lot of rest during the day, at night he is waking up around 2 or 3 AM, tossing and turning until finding a comfy spot on me across my neck.  Comfy for him, not really for me, but whatever it takes for him to get sleep I don’t really care.  On day four of tossing and turning, Jackson couldn’t find that comfy spot and started pulling hair.   First it was my hair, then Sara’s. It became clear to us that he was not going to go back to sleep, so Sara took him into the living room for some Mickey Mouse.   After an hour Sara brought him back to bed, but he didn’t want any part of that, back to pulling hair.  So they stayed out in the living room for the remainder of the morning so I could get a little bit of sleep before work.  It was rough getting out of bed let me tell you. I checked in on them before hopping in the shower.  Sara was asleep in the recliner. Jackson was sleeping on the love seat and he looked up at me, smiled, and lay back down.  When I got out of the shower I heard Sara close the recliner and she was running over to Jackson calling name.  She didn’t have her glasses on, so when I came out of the bathroom I saw that he threw up on the love seat, he was having a seizure.  Sara picked him up and moved him to the floor; I grabbed a wash cloth and the emergency medicine.  Normally you wait 5 minutes before giving the emergency medicine, but we have no idea how long he has been having one…so we waited a minute.  Sara gave him the medicine and called 911.  I grabbed some clothes for us, let the doggies out, and by then the first responders was at the door.  Jackson was still having his seizure at that time, so the fire rescuers saw what his seizures look like.  When EMT’s arrived Jackson was coming out of his seizure.  The emergency medicine worked this time. 

These seizures appear to be happening on a two month cycle.  One of the EMT’s remembers being at our house from the last one.  Unfortunately we still have not had a follow up with an STL neurologist (I will come back to this topic), so our only action plan is give him emergency medicine after 5 minutes, then take ambulance to ER.   So we told the lead EMT we want to go to Children’s in unison when he asked where we wanted to go.  The lead EMT responded with, well Children’s is not the closest hospital so would you rather go to St. Anthony’s…and that is when I start to lose it.  I explain that St. Anthony’s pediatric ER is not equipped to handle Jackson’s needs and I refuse to let anyone take him there.  The EMT decides to continue on his spiel about going to a closer hospital.  To which I respond with, well if you really want to take him to a closer hospital and then pay for the helicopter ride to the hospital we want to go to, then be my guest.  Now I have 4 men looking at me funny in my living room.  The EMT wanted to make sure I knew that his ambulance is not equipped to handle things if Jackson has another seizure on the way and given the time of morning the traffic is going to be unpredictable, making sure I understand the risks.  My final response in a not so nice tone was, I will take that risk because my son has a better chance of making the ambulance ride to Children’s than going to an ER that can’t read a weight chart and do the conversions for the medicine he needs, let along get a proper reading on his blood pressure.  You have sirens; if you need them use them.  I was so ready to lose it further on this guy….or tell him screw off I will drive him myself.  It is only a 10 mile difference without stop lights to go to Children’s over St. Anthony’s.  I personally think it is easier to get to Children’s because it is all highway.  I was so mad….

Sara rode the ambulance with Jackson and the EMT apologized for arguing with me.   He said it is their procedure to make sure they take someone to the closest hospital and wanted to make sure we understood the risks.  Sara explained to him in better detail of our experience at the “closer” hospital. The EMT then tells Sara he has a 3 year old daughter that has seizures and he understands what we are going through.  WHAT! OMG…so why give me that much trouble about what hospital I want my son to go to.  Geesh… 

I arrived to Children’s and I didn’t see the ambulance on the way this time.  I may have mentioned this in a different post, but you have to go through security at the ER at children’s, it isn’t as bad as TSA, but you do have to walk through a metal detector and they will go through your belongings.  The security guard this day was a much older gentleman.  He asks me if I have anything sharp, not once, not twice, but three times.  After you pass though the metal detector, security will ask what patient and your relationship to the patient.  Before this guard can ask I say, “my son just came in on the ambulance’. The guard responds, “Hamilton?”  I said yup and then he asks me, “What is your relation to the patient?”  After rolling my eyes because I had just said “MY SON” I respond, “Mother”.  The guard looking very confused responded with, “then who is with him?”  With a big smirk on my face I respond, “His other mother”.  Whoa…  the look on his face.  I thought for sure he was going to ask me for ID at this point, but he printed off my badge and handed it to me with a look of disgust.  Good thing I had much more important things to attend to than waist any more time with him.

The check-in nurse walked me back to Jackson’s room where he was sleeping.  He was only hooked up to a pulsox and all his vitals were really good.  Sara was talking to the ER attending going over history and medicines. Half way through someone pulled the attending out of the room for a meeting and they told us a different doctor will come in soon. The doctor came in.   Sara started going over the history, told him Dr. Berry-Kravis was our FX/seizure doctor.  The doctor perked up, said he was very familiar with her and that he did some training in Chicago.  After hearing everything Sara had, he said we seemed very versed and he asked what we normally do after Jackson has a seizure.  Our answer was, well we come here because that is what they told us to do.  He asked us if we had a local neurologist who is managing his seizure care.  Our answer is, well Dr. McGill is supposed to be his doctor, but we are not getting any responses from his office.  Sara even asked if this ER doctor has any recommendations any of the neurologists here.  He responded with Dr. McGill is a good one to his knowledge.  I don’t think he was prepared for us to ask nor have the responses we had.  The doctor was going to consult with neurology, see what we should do at this point, and come back to us.  We handed him some scripts that we got when we were in Chicago from Dr. Kravis. Sara sends an email to Dr. Kravis and before the ER doctor even come back to the room, Dr. Kravis responds….took her 5 minutes.  She thinks because of Jackson’s erratic sleep patterns this week put him at a high risk to have a seizure this time around.  The Clonidine didn’t cause the seizure, although it may have caused the erratic sleep issues.  Next step is measure the Depakote (anti-seizure) medicine in his blood, she wants to see the levels be around 80, the last seizure the level was around 70.  The ER doctor spoke with neurology and they suggest running some blood tests (same ones we already gave him) and then if everything is good we can go home.  The nurses come in to take some blood and we discussed giving him his morning medicine.  Nurse comes back with some baby food (pureed pears) and a fork that was all they had.  When we tried to give Jackson the medicine, he threw up.  So we waiting a little while and was able to give it to him using a breakfast bar as a positive reinforcer.

We sat and waited for the blood results.  Sara turned on cable TV, something we don’t have at home.  Ironically Dr. McGill’s office calls to schedule a follow up visit.  I explain that we are currently at the hospital in the ER because Jackson had a seizure this morning.  The lady did not even respond to that.  The phone is cutting out and I handed Sara the phone since she is the keep of the schedule anyway.  The phone connection drops and the office calls back.  Sara explains to the lady that we haven’t had our follow up from February, nor April, and now we have today.  The lady is super confused and said normally follow visits are scheduled 6 months after a seizure.  WHAT!?! 6 MONTHS?!?  Sara explains, we were supposed to have visit in April, but Jackson was in the hospital on the day of the follow up (8 weeks after, not 6 months).  Since Jackson was in the hospital, the neurologist on the floor told us he consulted with Dr. McGill and not to worry about that appointment.  Then we were told someone from Dr. McGill’s office would call us within 2 weeks to reset it up, but if we don’t hear to call and schedule on our own.  It is the end of June; it is well past 8 weeks for them to be calling us.  We also ran into a medicine refill debacle in between then to which Sara had to call multiple times to get anywhere.  So when we were in Chicago we asked Dr. Kravis to manage things because she at least responds to us.  Since Dr. Kravis agreed to manager his seizure and we were completely frustrated over the medicine refill mess we never called them to schedule the follow up.  Here it is about 9 weeks later and they are calling for the follow up from April.  This is so ridiculous.  According to the website Children’s is ranked 7th in the nation when it comes to Pediatrics in Neurology, I don’t know how that is possible.  We can’t get a phone call back in a timely matter and after a few days when we got a call from the doctor over the medicine mishap he was rude and tried to blame the mismanagement of records on Children’s side instead of his office.  We are on our second neurologist here at Children’s, soon to be on our third at this rate.

Jackson’s blood results came back; the ER doctor wrote the details down for us and said he was waiting to hear back from the neurology floor.  The doctor figured we would want to email them to Dr. Kravis.  We sent her the results, she responded within 10 minutes.  The white blood cell count was high, but she expected that after the seizure.  The Depakote level was 55, so she wants to increase that.  She thinks two pills in the morning, 1 afternoon, 2 at night.  After an hour, the doctor came back with the same information the Dr. Kravis gave us except less detail.  The doctor wrote us a new script for the additional anti-seizure medicine and was highly impressed with Dr. Kravis.   We got Jackson dressed to leave as we were waiting for the discharge papers, Jackson threw up again, but he was all smiles and flirted with the nurse when she came in.   It was over an hour since he had his medicine, so there was on concern there.  I asked if we could take a vomit bucket just in case for the ride home.

Jackson was very alert all the way home.  He loves riding in the car and looking at the other cars on the road.  We were all hungry so I stopped at McDonalds; Jackson threw up as we waited for our food.  Then he wanted to drink up his apple juice.  Sara was leery in giving him too much.   When we got home Jackson wanted to eat. This child puts away some food.  He did not get sick anymore, but he seemed slightly feverish throughout the day.  Our AC was running non-stop and not getting below 80 so that may have played a little role.  I didn’t not sleep much over the weekend constantly using my cell phone to make sure that his eyes were closed and he was sleeping. We had a busy weekend ahead of us, but knew the best thing to do was try to keep it easy for Jackson as much as possible.